Matt Yates
mdy001@marietta.edu
As spring break comes to a close, the Health and Wellness center has begun preparation for the annual sickness outbreak amongst Marietta College students. Oddly enough, a recurring theme seems to be that students fall ill just in time for second half of the semester after returning from spring break. Symptoms of the illness include instant vomiting upon removal of sunglasses, severe lack of motivation, and constant humming of Bob Marley’s “Three Little Birds”.
Despite experimentation, studies, and million dollar think tank discussions, medical professionals are baffled by this phenomenon. Local doctors and physicians are only able to hypothesize on the uncanny timing of student illness and the end of spring break, attributing the outbreak to the extreme fluctuation in Ohio’s seasonal weather patterns.
One student, who shall remain nameless, came back to Marietta last spring with a very familiar story on how their coursework was severely affected by the sudden illness surrounding spring break.
“I was sitting in class the day after spring break had ended when my professor called me up to the board to answer an equation. I felt sick immediately and couldn’t hold back any longer. Not only did I ruin my relationship with that professor, but also his nice white shirt.”
Professors are encouraged to keep a fresh supply of breath mints, bottled water, and wash rags readily available during the coming weeks. While the Health and Wellness center states they are indeed worried about the well-being of Marietta College students, they advocate that the best form of relief for sick college students is rest, lots of water, and the reminder that “every little thing is gonna be alright”.
